September 21 & 23, 1941: Pacifist Opa

Diary entry from Herb Michael, Opa's roommate at Kansas State University

Article in Kansas State Collegian (Kansas State Newspaper)

Transcription:

Sunday, September 21, 1941

264th Day - 101 Days to Follow

Tom and I talked nearly all morning. He has been telling me a great deal about his life in Germany, and it is too great a temptation to take the time even tho other things are urgent.

The program committee met at 4:00. It took until 6:00 to get our ideas worked out. Meeting again with Lorraine, relations were casual and aloof.

Tom has been working with plans for a unit of the Fellowship of Reconciliation here. I had a date with Shirley Spohn for League and to our first F.O.R. meeting. There were 8 of us in all. Things proceeded very well.

*******************************************

(Article in Kansas State Collegiate Newspaper)

Pacifists Organize On K-State Campus

A newly organized unit of the Fellowship of Reconciliation, an international and interdenominational organization of pacifists, will have its first open meeting next Tuesday at 8:45pm in Wesley hall, 1531 Fairview. All who are interested in peace work are invited.

Phil Myers, as chairman, will have charge of the meeting. The program will be a presentation by the Rev. C.T. Brewster and Miss Shirley Spohn of the organization, history, and the aims of the F.O.R. and also a description of the Quaker work camps.

Alrighty, let's start with the diary entry. I love that Herb is listening with rapt attention to Opa's stories of Germany. This reminds me (and my readers) that Opa has not forgotten his home. It is still a part of his daily thoughts, his conversation, his passion. He does not have shame about Germany- or at least not in the way that he has stopped talking about it. When I was growing up, Germany was not a topic of conversation, at least not in the way of reminiscing about his childhood. Those stories were replaced by warnings to pay attention to the news, to educate myself, to remember that bad things can happen in the strangest places. But even that he said after being asked questions. Rarely did Opa willing offer up thoughts on Germany without prompting. Honestly, the only thing I remember him saying about Germany was that calling someone a Nazi is the worst thing you could possibly say to someone, and that he read may books trying to figure out how Germany devolved into a country that orchestrated the holocaust. 

Now to change the topic completely- is Herb dating Lorraine? Or trying to? Or did he go on a date with Shirley? Maybe both. Way to go Herb. 

He talks about Opa starting (with friends) the Fellowship of Reconciliation. He had this club in McPherson, and I don't think I realized until this newspaper article that the club was explicitly a pacifist organization.

The news article brings up familiar names: Phil Myers and Shirley Spohn (who was mentioned by Herb)- these folks are all from McPherson. It's good to know that Opa isn't completely on his own without familiar faces in this new university. Looks like a lot of folks went on from McPherson to Kansas State to further their studies. 

So back to the Fellowship of Reconciliation. It's a pacifist organization with goals of "peace work." The last part of the article mentions the Quaker work camps. I know about these camps, and I think that they served as alternatives for Conscientious Objectors who did not want to fight in the war. So with the war looming large, people may have been interested in learning about options in case they were called to service. 

Again- I am so dumbfounded by all this. Opa was in the Army for 29 years! I just... what shifted? At 21, he was actively forming groups for pacifists, talking to the government about being a conscientious objector (which would nearly eliminate his chances of citizenship), and exploring Quaker work camps as possible alternatives to joining the military. He's not just a casual pacifist, he's organized!

I am looking forward to the letter that explains all this. It's going to exist. Right?

September 17 & 18, 1941: Tea and Crackers with Opa

Diary Pages from Opa's roommate Herb Michael at Kansas State University

Transcription:

Wednesday, September 17, 1941

260th Day - 105 Days to Follow

After choir practice (Lorraine was not there) Tom and I read over our electrodynamics, and then he read his German poetry and we talked.

Instead of really studying, after that, we had tea and crackers, invited Lee to imbibe with us, and consequently it is very late, with not much done.

Thursday, September 18, 1941

261st Day - 104 Days to Follow

The Cosmopolitan Club had an outdoor supper tonight, and Tom and I went. The club is open to all foreign stud cents in school, and to an equal number of natives.

Of the non-US students there were far more Hawaiians than anything else Abdul Khalaf, from Palestine, was there. Doris Kim was supposed to have gone to another school, but she was at the supper this evening.

We had chicken, baked beans, salad, and jello. I talked to a girl from New York, an Italian, very interesting.

A day in the life with Opa. This diary gives us so much insight to the regular every day of Opa's college experience. He was such a joiner, in the most positive way. If there was an event, an experience, a joining of minds- he was there. I love that the roommates read their homework and then blew the rest of the evening on such a scandalous time with German poetry, tea and crackers, and talking. Ha! 

Here's the thing- for the most part - this is exactly how I wasted time in college. Replace German poetry with other philosophical or religious books, and I spent many hours talking and drinking tea and coffee with friends. How similar our experience was in some of the mundane ways. Something I wish I had taken advantage of when I was in college is the amazing cultural diversity that I was surrounded with. This cosmopolitan club sounds awesome. It's a chance for Herb from Kansas to get together with an Italian from New York and a man from Palestine. I *know* that those opportunities for me to intersect with folks from the around the world were available to me- I just did not take advantage of them or seek them out. I wish I had had an Opa- like roommate to take me out of my comfort zone. I had my own set of friends who took me outside my comfort zone in other ways, but I wish I had let myself be stretched even further. 

I remember distinctly the day when I was working at a hotel in my college town and a young woman checked into our hotel. She was kind and polite, and her eyes were so remarkably soulful that I found myself asking her questions and taking the conversation past the usual surface chat that I engaged in with hotel guests. I had to know the story behind her eyes. She was from Palestine, and had a brochure in her hand about the daily bulldozing that was happening to the homes of people she loved. Before talking to her, I had no idea that there was tension at the Israel/Palestine border and that houses were being bulldozed. I know that the problem is complicated, but I had never heard the Palestinian side of the story. That was over 15 years ago and was a 20 minute conversation. I never saw her again- but I remember her, and I remember her story. That's the kind of impact that meeting people from someplace else can have. 

Even in seminary I was surrounded by people from all over the world and my closest friends were southerners. I'm trying to make a real effort here in the DC suburbs to take advantage of the diversity around me. I think I need to try harder. I wonder if there is a cosmopolitan club I can join? 

August 31, 1941: We Were Born Into This

Letter from Opa to Gisela

Translation:

McPherson, August 31, 1941

Dear Gis,

Now it’s Sunday once again, my last Sunday in McPherson. It’s warm here, the air is full of joyful bird songs, even the people seem happy and untroubled, but a hint of a hard future lies in the air, which only those who can and who want to look the facts in the eye are capable of recognizing. It’s hard to see this happiness and know at the same time how many tears are falling elsewhere and how many are very soon going to have to be shed here, too.  I think I can understand how hard it must be for you to sustain your life as much as you do in the midst of so much suffering and struggle. I admire you for your strength in doing so, and I know you will again remain victorious when it comes to life. We were born into a generation that demands a lot from us, but I believe that we can manage it. Every person has to manage it in his or her own way, but we’ll do it together and supporting each other, right?

Did you really think that Anni’s letter had given me a changed picture of you? No, Gis, our relationship is solid, and no one and nothing, not even Anni, could destroy something so beautiful and valuable. I think I understood Anni’s letter as it was intended; I was happy to get it and am really happy to be in touch with her, but there are no more of the feelings that held sway over me two, three years ago. It’s also preferable for Anni that that’s the case; I now feel that I can write to her as a good friend, but that my life will take another course, independent of that. It’s surely only natural that time has had this influence on me. We all, in our early youth, let a special and early experience seem big and unique, while then later, events that seemed small to us come into the foreground, and we realize the ones we have held onto forever have taken a back (if perhaps still necessary) place. Nevertheless, even I believe in the eternal value you write of. It’s like the links of a chain. We move along the chain, link by link; we see and value only the link that is right in front of us, and the upcoming ones; but if only one of the previous links were to break, the chain would be broken.

Thank you very much for the poem by Rilke. I wasn’t familiar with it; which one of his books is it in? It sounds a little like the Book of Hours. I can well understand why this “Fall” poem might help you; it’s also often the case for me that a beautiful poem or a concert can lift me up out of moods and temptations. Recently I’ve mostly been concentrating on modern American poets, but they don’t suit me quite as much. The only German poet whose poems I have here is Stefan George. I never especially liked him before, found his poems too sentimental and contrived; even now there are many other poets I far prefer to him, but I did find a couple of his poems that did a lot for me.  I’m including one for you, which, like most of his poems, doesn’t have a name and doesn’t need one. –Do you read a lot these days, or do you not have enough time? I read somewhat more this summer than before, though not nearly as much as I had planned, since I simply didn’t have the time and am usually so exhausted in the evenings that the spirit just can’t handle one more thing. In winter, naturally, I have no time at all for literature, since I have to devote all of my reading to the subject of engineering.

From the end of July up until my departure I had a very good position as a mathematician at a sub-branch of the American Department of Agriculture. From aerial shots of the land we had to calculate the size of various fields using all sorts of geometric instruments. It’s very interesting work, and finally something in my field. We work ten hours a day and get a very steady income. I’ve now earned enough money to go to Manhattan for at least one semester, then I’ll look for work again in order to be able to go for both semesters the next year. I only need four full or six abridged semesters to finish my studies, so it won’t be too much longer now.

Thank you very much for your report of the people from the [Quaker youth] group. It’s great that they are apparently still doing really well. Lotsch really did get the position she dreamed of, then. Has her illness gotten any better at all? So Guenther has a girlfriend once again. Is he still as childish as he was? But the German youth of today sure can’t be childish at all anymore; they’ve experienced too much to stay children. If you hear anything again from Werner, let me know how he’s doing. I admire him the most of all the boys in the group; he’s really, as they say here, “an all around good fellow.”

It’s good that you’ve finally found a nice friend and aren’t quite so alone anymore. Does she also work at the hospital? When I see the nurses at a hospital here, I always think of you and imagine that you must work with similarly silly and uninteresting girls. Then I often also try to imagine you in a nurse’s uniform and cap, and that works very well, I imagine that they look very good on you.

I’ve found a very good friend here, really the best I’ve ever had. I don’t know if I wrote to you about him already. He studied history and literature at McPherson College, took his exams here a year ago; now he teaches at a high school. He’s about 25 years old, short and unassuming in his appearance, somewhat severe and strict in his ways and how he comes across, but one of the smartest guys I know. What’s more, and this is what caught my attention most of all, he writes outstanding poetry; so good that I believe there’s a great future in it for him. If you’re interested, I can send you a couple of his poems, you’ll definitely enjoy reading them. This summer we got together at least once a week and read poetry or spent a wonderful evening in conversation. It’s worth a lot to have that kind of friend.

This Sunday evening it’s off to Manhattan. I’ve rented a little basement room there with a friend. We have a small stove there on which we can cook for ourselves; it’s cheaper and won’t take up too much time. We’re both bad cooks, but since no one besides us will have to eat our burnt food, we won’t develop too bad of a reputation. This friend is a very interesting guy. He was a sailor for several years and as such got around the whole world and earned money to now study electrical engineering. He’s not the most intelligent, but has a lot of willpower and is a really good guy. I admire people who have lived and endured life with its dangers and temptations far more than those who are good out of tradition, or because they don’t know any other way. –I have a really good job in Manhattan during the school year, it’s working in the library again. I’m sure almost two years’ experience in library work helped me get the job. I’ll have to work there for four hours every day, so I won’t have too much time left over to think stupid thoughts. I’ll also be sure to join several student associations, so I’ll surely have enough to do. I have found again and again that a person accomplishes more in each individual thing when they always have something to do. Too much free time works even against the things that a person could actually do better with free time. That’s a psychological issue to be sure, but it’s true.

That was a long letter, but there’s just so much to say. Let’s hope that this way at least remains open to us for a while; you have no idea how much I look forward to your lines every time, and how much joy it gives me to answer them.

Heartfelt greetings,

Tom

My new address is

c/o Mr. E Honsing, 1119 Kearney, Manhatten, Kansas

"We were born into a generation that demands a lot from us." This is perhaps the understatement of Opa's life. He is pretty poetic in his letter to his friend Gisela, with whom he has a close friendship. He focuses on their platonic relationship, but seems to hint at flirtation whenever he gets a chance. (Like commenting on how nice she must look in a nurse's uniform.)

Opa's opening paragraph hints at the inevitability of the US' involvement in the raging war. He feels a sense of superiority? prescience? as he glances around at what he considers to be his somewhat ignorant comrades at school. Little do they know, he thinks, that war is coming. I think they might know, they just might not know to what degree it will affect them. But can anyone know the future? The war is an old story for Opa, but he's a little condescending to his American friends. I can't fault him for it, he is right in a way, very soon the entire nation will be invested in this world war in ways they would not imagine. I think Opa honestly feels a little bit of what they call "survivor's guilt" by living in the relative safety of middle America while his friends are literally in the crossfires of conflict. 

Opa's optimism for the demands that the world has put on his generation is that they will get through it together. I love this.

Opa talks about Anni. It sounds like Anni might have said something nasty about her sister Gisela or at least not helpful. That sounds about right. And smartly, Opa doesn't let Anni affect his friendship with Gisela. He acknowledges that he's glad to be back in touch with Anni, but that he no longer feels the same way about Anni (he was in love with her), and that passing time has made that First Love feel less important. I love his chain link image- that we go along in life feeling that the link in front of us is most important, and then as we pass over them they fade, but to break it is to break the chain. It's a nice way to capture that no experience is wasted, but that it becomes less pressing. I wonder if he came up with that himself.

Then Opa talks about poetry, and I think he's putting on a little bit of a show for Gisela, but I don't doubt he loves poetry. Here is the Rilke poem, Fall (a translation):

THE LEAVES are falling, falling as from far,
As if far gardens in the skies were dying;
They fall, and ever seem to be denying.
And in the night the earth, a heavy ball,
Into a starless solitude must fall.	5
We all are falling. My own hand no less
Than all things else; behold, it is in all.
Yet there is One who, utter gentleness,
Holds all this falling in His hands to bless.

It's a beautiful poem, with the last stanza offering hope to us in the Falling. Opa talks about his new best friend, a person that we think is Winton Sheffield. Winton is older, a bit wiser, and a gifted poet it seems. It makes me happy to think that Opa has finally found a person that he can be real with and share his thoughts with. 

Opa hears from Gisela the scoop on everyone from the group. Lotsch is the girl they called Lotte (short for Charlotte) who had some form of disability, perhaps a weakness in the limbs of some sort. In most pictures, she has crutches or is being carted around on their hikes in a wheelbarrow. I love that they had someone among their group who was not physically as robust as they were, and they managed to find a way for her to be integrated into their activities. 

I emailed Bern (another Quaker group alumni) to ask him about what happened to Werner and other folks in the group. I don't know Guenther, but Bern knew him: "Guenther Gaulke who, after the war, married a Bremen girl and became a Bremen policeman." Bern visited him a few times after the war.

Werner's is a sad story. This is the boy that Opa has high respect for, he was the same age, maybe a year older. You might recall me saying the line that "Gisela loved Tom, Tom loved Anni, Anni loved Werner, who fell in the war." I asked Bern if this was the same Werner. It is. Here is what he wrote about him:

Werner Saxe (Sachse?) who fell on the eastern front... I did Ask Anni about detals of his death but other than that he fell with a Straf Batallion, a punishment military unit, she either didn't know or didn't want to tell me. ...(we have a copy of) his father's last letter before his execution in Ploetzensee, Berlin... As I recall it, I think Anni told me that Werner did not want to marry while the war was on. Perhaps he was aware even then that he would not survive.  She also told me that he loved his violin. 

So Anni's love died, unmarked, on the Eastern front in a punishment military unit. I'm assuming (but don't have a paper trail to confirm) that his placement in this unit was a result of his being half-Jewish, which enabled him to be sort of what we might called cannon fodder- front line folks that Germany didn't mind sacrificing. This was the very type of assignment that Opa was escaping when he left Germany. This was the death that very possibly awaited him if he remained in his home country.

But Opa doesn't know all of this, as it all hasn't happened yet. But I doubt we'll hear about Werner in the letters much again. Opa's focus then switches to Gisela in a nurse's uniform. Because, she's his friend. Right? What a flirt. 

He talks about his new best friend, his move to University of Kansas, his old job doing cool engineering things (first I've heard of this!), his job at the library, etc. He catches Gisela up on all the details of his life. His letters must give her a joint feeling of gladness that normalcy exists somewhere, and sadness that her life has been sort of usurped by the war at hand. She continues with everyday living, but everything is shaped by the war.

So Opa continues to write, to speak hope, to work hard, to keep himself busy, "so I won’t have too much time left over to think stupid thoughts." 

No one can rest too long, because they were born into a generation that demands a lot.

August 23, 1941: Kansas State University

Letter from Ella to Opa

Translation:

Tom Doeppner

1119 Kearney Manhattan

Kansas

Bln.Charl.4
August 23rd,41
Droysenstrasse 14

My much beloved boy, this letter is meant to be a welcome greeting for your arrival at Manhattan. I have total faith, that now being free and without college rules, you will find your way. Ask yourself if something is good, when you want to do it, and follow your inner voice. Some time ago, Patti wrote, whenever she wanted to decide on something, she would ask herself: What would Mama do? She knows that her Mama often has different opinions (views) than herself, but in important things she would do what her Mama seemed appropriate. You do the same Hunschen. Most of all, tell yourself you have to stay strong and pure(clean). Don't be influenced by what others say or think about you, go your way without consideration for others opinions, only with consideration for the truth and good. That does not mean you shouldn't be happy and carefree, to the contrary you should have many happy and lively hours, be young and enjoy all beautiful things, without leaving you with a bitter aftertaste. You should honor and respect all others, so to keep and have respect for yourself as well. And so that all your gifts are not going to waste, develop all your good assets for others use. How much I wish I could be there with you! Especially now to look after you and create a nice home for you. But not just for you, for myself as well. It is almost unbearable for me to be so alone here! My students and many dear friends, I miss them so much!

I do have a few new ones, but I don't think I will find such interesting people again. I know I had been very lucky, and I am grateful I had them. But there is a great emptiness.  If only I had you two with me. My other friends are very worried about me. I wish you would send them a few lines, especially Lutz and Lise. Did you ever write to Kurt? It would do him good, he is yearning for all of us so very much.  

What have you accomplished about my immigration? I trust that you have done everything needed, to speed it up as much as possible. I wrote to you at McPherson that Ann'chen went for a vacation (rest, or recovery) to the Sudetenland. Yesterday I had a nice letter from her. She enjoys the quietness there very much, she seems to have found a nice place. Hopefully she will return strengthened for a new year of work.

For Tuesday I am invited to Lichterfelde (nice part of the city) for coffee. We will talk and mend stockings, Anni is back from her trip and has the afternoon off. Hunschen, I am waiting longingly for the report on your move to Manhattan, the first impression, a description of your new room. I believe you will have a lot of work, I have a feeling that the requirements there will be larger, also very different than in McPherson. But you will face all that with confidence. Much, much luck my boy. I am with you in my thoughts. Please write in detail what you hear from Patti and Maurice, I am not receiving any mail from them.

I kiss you, my boy
Mama

Opa is moving to Manhattan. Kansas. Not New York. He's continuing his degree work at Kansas State University, where he can finally get those engineering courses he's been going for. He's been at McPherson for two years and I believe he made it a home in the best way that he could. 

Ella seems to understand what a big transition this is going to be for Opa. He was a big fish in a small pond, a foreigner who was compassionately embraced and welcomed by this tiny community. McPherson gave Opa his freedom, now Kansas State will give him the opportunity to get the education he wants. Kansas State doesn't know Opa like McPherson did, they don't have any rules for him to follow like not drinking, dancing, or gambling. He's now a small fish in an ocean.

Ella's advice is really good, while at times veering into the smothering lane- would we expect any less from our Ella? She encourages Opa to follow his inner voice, or if things get cloudy, ask himself what his mother would do (HA!). She has some really quotable advice though:

Don't be influenced by what others say or think about you, go your way without consideration for others opinions, only with consideration for the truth and good.

She also makes space for Opa to have fun, he doesn't have to be so serious all the time: "be young and enjoy all beautiful things, without leaving you with a bitter aftertaste." After that she tells him to be respectful. I could just frame this letter for my boys for when they go to college. It might make their eyes roll, but it's good advice.

Ella again mentions the loss of her students and also mentions many of her dear friends are gone. I wonder if many of them have left/immigrated? How sad, I hadn't really thought of this specifically. The longer Ella remains, the more her circle of friends would thin out through immigration, disappearances, hide outs. It's not quite time yet for the hiding (the jews aren't being rounded up at quite the speed as they will be later). But I didn't even think about how she's not only without her family, but now she is becoming steadily more isolated from her friends. Opa wrote in his autobiography that Ella had a good group of female teaching friends that she had kept in good relationship with. He never said what happened to them. Have they left? Who were they? 

Ella talks about going to Lechterfelde, which my interpreter knows as a nice part of town- this is where the Halle's lived. Olga Halle (Anni and Gisela's mother) hosted teas at her home for people like Ella who were left behind and feeling isolated without a religious group to commune with. Many jews were non-religious and therefore not connected or comfortable seeking help or comfort with the local synagogues. 

Ella asks again with confidence that Opa has done everything he can do about her immigration. It breaks my heart every time she asks. What else can Opa do? Is there any hope left? She seems to believe it. Perhaps if her friends have been able to leave, she sees that she might have a chance to.

She signs off with confidence in her boy and his new adventure at the big school. She asks for news on Patti who I don't think has written to Opa either. Hopefully he writes her a nice report on his new home, Kansas State University.

August 17, 1941: Mothering

Letter from Ella to Opa

Translation:

Berlin Charl. Aug, 1941

Droysenstrasse 14

My very beloved boy,

I started writing to you on August 4th, because of my great longing for you, but I managed only a few words, because I was paralyzing tired. I did not want to be at home on that day, had asked the relatives not to come, but still many came, all the others appeared off and on during the week. It was sheer torture in my present situation, and not being with you. One good thing: Aunt Bertha was with me, she came on the 3rd and left again day before yesterday. I feel closer to her than to any relative, she understands me and loves both of you very much.  

Stiers are not living here since the 12th, you are correct, it was impossible, we lived in two different worlds, and as I wrote to you before, it did not work out. We live and talk to each other, but there is no real connection. Sadly enough I have not found more pupils, we are still on school holiday, and because of the "stop" on emigration, all learning enthusiasm slowed down, it is an unfavorable time for lessons. But I do have some prospects for lessons. Right now I still  have some money, and if I get back the one I leant out, and my claims to former students are paid to me, I will be fine till Jan./Febr. I really hope I will have enough work to get through this.

  

Henschenboy, I don't see my ability to emigrate as negatively as you do. I don't leave any close relatives behind. First Stiers are not close to me, don't belong to my household, secondly they surely will go over before me. My 2 children are gone, I am alone. But you must go after things with great energy, at the State Department in Washington from where all (rest of the sentence unreadable) I will get the terms (requirements)and send it to you right away. Perhaps you could present it in person.  

Today 2 letters from you arrived, of July 31st and August 3rd,with those nice pictures.  It had been such a long time without news from you. If you would know how longingly I wait for letters, you would write more often.  But I also left you without news for 2 weeks again, that is wrong of me as well. At the same time, I think of both of you all day long, and wish to be with you.  

Henschen, you look awfully skinny in those pictures. Are you feeling well? Please reply to this truthfully. Have you had another checkup? Why can't I be with you, take care of you? I am glad, that you have work that satisfies and pays enough for your studies. Yes, my boy, you are correct not to want to borrow money, but if you have to interrupt your studies, that would not be good either. Perhaps ways can be found, at least this semester is secured.

(line not legible)

In your last letter you did not write anything about it. The mail carrier in any case looked very trustworthy. I will send this letter to McPherson, then in a few days I will write to the address in Manhattan. Yesterday I went to see Loewes, they had been on vacation for a few weeks, it was really nice. This afternoon Heini came by, he wanted to get an English book, and we spoke about his work, a drama and novel. The novel is still in the making, for a contest in his school, for the best novel about the "Hugenots" written in French, for the "Hugenot" prize. Heini is a smart, gifted boy, and is losing his need for admiration more and more, is growing older and more understanding.

Henschenboy, I can imagine that the departure from McPherson won't be easy for you. You had a nice time there. But things of value there, stay with you, have to worked in you, and you have to be just as brave in Manhattan. Do your duty, and always live and act to be responsible to yourself. I trust you completely, your character and abilities.

I kiss my boy

Your Mama

One of my readers commented on a previous letter from Ella that he always feels a little sorry for Opa when he reads Ella's letters. This letter won't help that feeling. 

I'm caught between my love and understanding of Ella and mu sympathy for Opa. To be sure, Ella's situation is the most dire, so I give her a little more credit. Not to minimize the pressure that Opa is under, but in a way Opa is afforded the daily escapes of student life and freedom in America. Ella does not get such escapes. In fact, even celebrating her birthday (which was August 4th) is painful. She is annoyed by all the people who came to bid her happy birthday. I kind of love this about her. She is the kindest, nicest person and she just wants to be left alone. Ha! I think honestly her desire to be left alone is because it takes so much energy for her to be hospitable and pretend that everything is ok when things are really not ok. She's a proud woman, she doesn't want pity, she doesn't want to lean too hard on anyone. She also needs her space to be sad. 

I almost laughed out loud when she said she received Opa's letters from July 31st and August 3rd and then said that if he knew how much she loved his letter he would write more often. He wrote two letters in one week and it was still not enough. Of course she admits her own failures in writing regularly, but oh man. Poor Opa. 

The Stiers are Ella's sister and brother in law. They lived with her while they were waiting for their visa to come in (they sold everything including their flat to fund their trip out of Germany). This was obviously a bad situation, as it seems that Ella and Martha and Erich were just not meant to share a home. Martha and Erich are the parents of Ellenruth, the person Ella keeps telling Opa to write or meet up with.

Ella breaks my heart when she tells Opa that she remains optimistic about her ability to emigrate. I can tell Opa tried to tell her that it was a near impossibility at this point. She will not accept that. She does not consider Martha to be a close relative (perhaps she is alluding to the rule that German immigrants can't leave behind family members). She seems to be under the impression that Opa can march into Washington with all the right paperwork and get her in. Or perhaps she is just desperate that he try anything. I don't know if she is familiar with US geography, but Kansas is not close to Washington D.C. The fact that she is suggesting he personally hand in her material to me is telling of just how desperate she is. 

So just in case Opa wasn't feeling mothered enough- Ella expresses her concerns that he is too thin.

Honestly, I think Ella is trying to make up for years of hands-on mothering that she feels she has missed out on. Whether it frustrates 21 year old Opa or not is up for grabs, but I wonder if he looked at these letters later with fondness for such a clear and tangible example of his mother, mothering.

August 10, 15, 20, 1941: People Change

Letter from Opa to Marjorie Schauffler of AFSC

Transcription:

Thomas Doeppner   McPherson, August 10, 1941.

McPherson College Kansas

Mrs. Marjorie Schauffler

American Friends Service Committee

20 S. 12th Street

Philadelphia

Dear Mrs. Schauffler:-

I thank you very much for the material you sent me and your accompanying letter. I like to ask your advice in one thing which is bothering me at this time.

I received my questionnaire from the Draft Board and filled it out as a conscientious objector.  I have not sent off the questionnaire yet, but I am not going to change this part in it. Do you think there is any possibility for me to ever get the final or even the first papers, when I take such a stand? The affidavit blanks you sent me ask from the affiant to guarantee my support for his lifetime, or until I shall become an American citizen. If there is practically no chance for me to become a citizen, I do not think that I have the right to ask anybody for an affidavit. I talked to the persons who might give me affidavits, and one of them is going to write her attorney about the problem, but I would like to get your opinion and advice about this matter, for you as a Quaker will probably better understand my stand. May I hear from you again?

Sincerely yours,

Thomas Doeppner.

Please show this letter to Miss Thieman.

Memo in AFSC between Marnie Schauffler and Annelise Thieman

Transcription:

Office Memorandum                Date 8-15-41

American Friends Service Committee

To: Annelise Thieman  From: Marnie Schauffler

Subject:

Re: Thomas Doeppner

Is it all right with you to follow my judgment to refer this letter for immediate action to Tom Jones office in Civilian Service, as I feel that he has asked for the judgment of a Quaker on this point, and neither you nor Lynn nor I could advise him appropriately.

handwritten note:

**

I have some hesitations of our committing ourselves too much in this case. He is "half aryan," has his mother in Germany and see letter 4-21-41

Letter from Annelise Thieman to Opa

Transcription:

August 20, 1941.

Mr. Thomas Doeppner,

McPherson College,

McPherson, Kansas.

Dear Thomas Doeppner:

We have your letter of August 10th, addressed to Mrs. Schauffler, inquiring about how to fill out your questionnaire from the draft board. You really must make up your own mind as to what you want to do, because in these matters we cannot give you and advice by letter.

You are correct in assuming that you may expect difficulties in getting your first or final papers. As a matter of fact you cannot become an American citizen if you take the absolute point of view as a C.O. You ought to discuss these matters with a person in whom you have confidence at McPherson, but the final decision you have to make yourself.

We realize that it is difficult be we are sure that you understand our attitude.

Sincerely yours,

Annelise Thieman

Let me begin this post by pointing out something that Annelise and Marjorie missed. Opa was not asking them if he should fill out the form of conscientious objector. He was asking them what the consequences would be, so that he would not unfairly burden those who had signed up to be his affidavit. The people who were signing an affidavit of financial support were pledged (by law) to support him if he needed it for life or until he became a US citizen. He considered that his chances of becoming a US citizen were slim to none, especially and particularly if he made clear his position as a conscientious objector. He wanted them to weigh in, not on his decision, but on the consequences. He anticipated that they would understand his decision because he assumed that they were Quakers.

So here we find out that Marjorie and Annelise are not Quakers. This is not surprising, there are lots of non-profits who employ people who are not of the ideology of the founding group (Catholic Charities for example). Marjorie and Annelise are aware that they cannot respond as Quakers and have integrity with that. They did not know what to do in response to Opa's letter. I think the fact that they inserted the idea that he was questioning whether to be a C.O. or not is telling of what they thought he should do. Marjorie wants to forward the letter to a person who seems to be a Quaker and be able to advise on these matters. Annals has another opinion- and that is that no one should be advising on this matter at all. Her handwritten note (I am assuming it's Annelise's note) points out just how precarious Opa's situation is. He's half-Jewish, his Jewish mother is in Germany, and the letter that was referred to- yeah- that's the German consul who was so graciously reminding Opa of his responsibility to report for duty in the Nazi army. I feel a little bit like Annelise is saying that this whole thing is a hot mess no matter what you do- and to advise at all would be too risky. 

Annals ends up writing Opa back saying that they can't advise him on whether he should be a C.O. (even though he didn't ask that question). She does confirm that if he 100% claims C.O. that he can't become a US citizen. That actually surprised me a little bit, not when I think about it- but that seems unfair that the chance at citizenship for Opa could be denied because he happens to be a male of service age who doesn't want to be in the Army.

Now here is where it gets really interesting and I think about all sorts of things that can't be affirmed because I don't have Opa in front of me today... Let me show you two quotes from Opa's autobiography which was written in 1997, after Opa served in the US Army for almost 30 years:

I was just as sure that if I would ever become involved in the military, it would be  against, not for, the Nazis. 

Let me tell you at the outset that when I finally came to America I went to college; and as soon as I graduated, I volunteered for military service. I am proud to have worn the uniform of an American Officer in our fight against the Nazis.

Here's another tidbit- in conversations with Opa's niece, I would learn that he and she had a strain in their relationship during the Vietnam War. They disagreed about it and that disagreement was hard for them (as I'm sure it was for many family members who were on opposite sides of the argument in that time). The tension eased over time and was not the lasting word on their relationship, but it makes me really wonder what happened between the time of this letter when Opa was unquestioningly a C.O. and when he joined the Army and argued for the Vietnam War. 

Obviously, people change. Obviously, there is no way I can know for certain how things shook out here. I think we'll find out more about what happened and how Opa came to join the military. I have an idea but the letters will give us a more intimate look. 

But here's the thing, in retrospect, Opa completely glossed over his stint as a C.O. He either didn't remember it or forcibly forgot it. Here's where I start guessing about things I don't know anything about. I wonder if Opa felt guilt or shame about his ideals as a young man. Guilt because perhaps he thought his stand was a road-block for his mother coming to the United States. Shame because after 30 years in the military, I can imagine C.O.'s are a thing of severe ridicule.

I wonder if Opa stood so solidly by the US in the wars (in Vietnam and Korea) because to show any questioning meant to question his service, his decision to join. The question would bring back what could have been a painful reminder of a decision he made to be a C.O. which might have cost him and his family time and effort in the immigration process. Maybe remembering his Quaker ideals meant remembering a painful part of his past, his home country that was ripped apart and could not be saved by his ideals. 

I don't really know - and maybe there was nothing there except that we don't remember our changing views as we grow up. I do find this very compelling though, I can't quite put my finger on it. 

I understand Opa's dilemma in the sense that I get what it feels like to take a stand and yet wonder if now is the time that it is important to make that stand. In this situation, as I am right now, I think I would have lied. I would have filled the form out the way it needed to be and hoped that my sacrifice of my principles was worth it. Anni Halle wrote about this in her book "Our Thoughts Are Free" - she was a Quaker in Nazi Germany and she and her family worked tirelessly against the Nazi regime. But they would throw out a Heil Hitler salute when necessary. She called it being wise as serpents. Because they were able to keep helping people if they did enough to keep the target off their own backs. 

This sounds like justification, but unless you've been in these absolute life and death situations, I think it is unfair to make theoretical judgments. In philosophy classes we would talk about a lot of these worst-case scenarios when you have to put your moral choices to test. If it is NEVER OK to lie, then you are forced with the situation when the Nazis come to the door and ask if you have a family hiding in your basement. In that case- to me- I say lie your silly head off. But that's just me right now. 

People change. Views change. I guess it's important to give ourselves space and grace to do that. And remember where we came from and recognize that we might be going somewhere different than what we expect.