Kansas: Sunsets, Rain, and Tornadoes- Oh my!

It is appropriate that I am able to pause in this blog to post about my trip to Kansas when we were just reading documents of Opa’s acceptance to McPherson College. We went to Kansas to trace my Grandmother’s history, but we were able to make stops in McPherson and other locations that will soon be a part of Opa’s story here on the blog. My Grandmother grew up in Selden, Kansas, a tiny farming community in western Kansas where the eye can see for miles and miles.

Last year I found myself in Berlin, Germany and other places where Opa’s story begins. I learned amazing things about my family’s story, my story, and our world today. I learned that there are some really incredible humans out there. This summer was no different. The trip to Kansas was a first for me- I’ve never been to Kansas (maybe driven through it), and certainly not to western Kansas where my Grandmother grew up. I knew we would be in some small towns and see lots of farmland, but other than that- I didn’t know what to expect. My Dad said to me a few times: “you know this isn’t going to be like Germany, right?” I think I was so excited he just wanted me to scale my expectations down a bit. Sort of like the opposite of “We’re not in Kansas Anymore”- more like…. we’re going to Kansas- not Paris. But I was excited, and I had every reason to be.

On Monday, when we landed in Kansas City (technically on the Missouri side), I stepped outside of the airport and felt like this wasn’t so different. I expected flat expanses, miles of farms and little to no trees. I found some rolling hills and lots of trees! This wasn’t the vast farmland that Ken Burns showed in his documentary on the Dust Bowl! I found out soon that Kansas is a big state, and the further west you go, the flatter it gets.

I finally understood my Grandmother’s obsession with a clear blue sky. The sky in Kansas is so BIG. If you’ve never been in a place like that, it is hard to describe. There are no tall buildings, no trees, no obstructions to your view of the sky. The clouds almost curve into the horizon… it’s like you can see the tops of them from a higher curve of the earth. To see a sky that big without any clouds is pretty impressive.

Another thing I learned about in Kansas was rain. Rain has an entirely different meaning in Kansas farmland than it does in my rain-soaked east coast town. Growing up if it rained while we were with Grandmother, she always said “well I guess we need the rain.” It could be flooding out and she would say this. I never really understood why she was so welcoming of the rain- especially since she loved her clear blue skies. Grandmother grew up on a farm in Kansas during the dust bowl or the “dirty 30s.” After watching the Ken Burns documentary on the dust bowl, I gained a better understanding. Then I went to Kansas, and after seeing fields and fields of crops, dry sand banks where rivers used to be, and hearing the farmers talk with excitement about rain - then it started to make a little more sense. Water is always important. One of the main stops on one of my tours was a lake that was created by a dam. They wanted me to see that Kansas had water. Rain is directly tied up to survival- and it isn’t guaranteed in western Kansas.

The weather in Kansas feels so violent- you can see storms coming from miles away, and yet they can come quickly and pass just as quickly. Every thunderstorm looks like a potential for a tornado. There is nothing to break up the storm or slow its path. The land (and people) are vulnerable to the elements. It was eerie to watch a storm come over the plains. The storms move in a different pattern than they do where I live. I have a weather app on my phone, and usually I’m pretty good at predicting when the storm will come and if it will come. In Kansas a storm would develop out of thin air. It was crazy! And even when the welcomed rain did come, it wasn’t without its own dangers. Other than the obvious fear of tornadoes in the summer, the rain may bring unwelcomed hail, which can do more damage than the rain helps. I love the weather, so I was excited to watch the storms roll through. We got to see two big storms. None brought any danger to us, but we did see some significant hail during the second one. In fact, that same storm brought so much sudden rain that the streets of Colby (where we were at the time) were temporarily flooded. The next day all signs of water were quickly absorbed into the land.

There is one more thing I must mention about Kansas before I close out this blog entry- and that is the sunset. The Kansas sunset lasts forever and can be incredibly beautiful. I’m talking a 1-2 hour sunset. You think that the sun is almost over the horizon, and time seems to stall. It’s awe-inspiring. It actually reminds me of watching the sun set over the ocean- you watch it melt into the water. In Kansas, it melts into the land- the flat, often waving land of crops. The sunset sort of apologizes for the heat of the day and any violent thunderstorm that may have come your way. It is peaceful and beautiful.

I fell in love with Kansas. I invite you to join me. In my next few blogs I will take you through my days in Kansas, and introduce you to some of the folks I met. To get in the mood, take a deep breath and worry about nothing else but whether the sky will be blue or bring good rain- either way it is a win.

Kansas Trip!

Hello readers! I know I have been silent for a while. Surgery, recovery, and summer plans have created an unplanned sabbatical from the blog- but don't worry- lots of stuff is happening!

Just a couple of weeks ago I went to the Holocaust Museum in D.C. to hear a presentation on refugees of the war, and my Opa's story was included! I will write a separate blog about that and give you more detail.

Today I am embarking on another research adventure! Wheels up today for Kansas! My folks, Jason, and I are traveling to the great plains of Kansas to do some research and discovery of the place my Grandmother grew up. Internet may be limited, so I'll try to update as well as I can from the road.

School is around the corner, and so is a regular routine. The blog should be updated regularly in no time.

August 15, 1939: With Warmest Thanks

Transcription:

Dear Miss Salmon,

I need not tell you how I felt when I received your letter of August 2nd. Many thanks for all you do for me.

My cable advised you that I accept the kind offer of McPherson College. I accept wholeheartedly, with warmest thanks to the students of the college.

I don't smoke and drink, and I don't want to dance but to be in USA and study there. As for the second point, that there is no regular course in engineering, you are certainly right to state that those basic courses you mention will be valuable to me in later study of engineering. They will even be necessary for me. Furthermore, I am confident that I find my way after having experienced this first year.

As soon as I have received the college papers, I shall apply for the visa. I assume that these papers will tell me at what time the next college year begins. I only have one fear now: that there might be difficulties by the consul. But I trust that everything will run smoothly.

I remain, dear Miss Salmon,

very sincerely yours,
Thomas Doeppner

I was going to lump this letter in with the last blog, but something about this letter made me feel like it needed to be separate. I can almost hear Opa’s sigh of relief and exhilaration that SOMETHING is happening and moving forward. Not that long ago, he was lamenting to Gisela that nothing was happening on the American front. I think he perhaps considered it a fantasy with little hope of realization. Now it is real, and he tells Charlotte Salmon and McPherson College “I accept wholeheartedly, with warmest thanks to the students of the college.” This letter is his formal acceptance after his one-word cable: “Accept.”

But this letter- he is genuinely excited and relieved and READY. He has been in Amsterdam after illegally leaving Germany for over 9 months now. He has had very little contact with his mother, and has been away from his friends, who have mostly left Berlin as well. He’s been hiding out in no-man’s-land. Now he has a plan. You can hear the determination in his words: “I don’t smoke and drink, and I don’t want to dance but to be in USA and study there.”

Opa knows that he still has a road ahead of him with securing a student visa, but he has new hope that things will work out.

August 13-14, 1939: YES! I ACCEPT!

Transcription:
"ACCEPTED = DOEPPNER."
 

Transcription:

Dear Phil Myers:

Today we received a cable from Thomas Doeppner with the one word "Accepted". I had previously written him of your offer of a scholarship at McPherson and carefully explained, quoting from your letter, the conditions under which it was offered. In case I did not send you a copy of my letter to him I am enclosing one with this letter. I am really delighted that he is available for I believe that he will contribute a great deal to your college, and certainly it is a wonderful opportunity for hi m.

Now he will need documents to prove that he has been admitted to the college, and that his maintenance will be taken care of while he is in this country. This should be in the form of a letter to him stating that he has been admitted, that he has been granted a scholarship, and giving full details of your arrangement for providing for his room and board. The letter should be written on letterhead paper, notarized and signed by a college official. It might be well to use a stamp or seal of the college if there is one. Two copies of this letter should be sent to him and one to the American Consulate, in Amsterdam, with a covering letter stating that McPherson College is eager to secure a foreign student and that you hope very much that the Consul will grant Thomas Doeppner application for a student visa. Be sure not to use the word Refugee since there must be no question in the Consuls mind but that Thomas Doeppner will be able to return again to Holland, as indeed he is able to do.

It might also be helpful if you, representing the student consul, would write a friendly personal note to Thomas Doeppner assuring him of your personal interest in him and of the welcome that he will receive from the student body. I will write to, and then he will have all these letters to present to the Consul to strengthen his request for a visa. We should send these letters off immediately so that he will have time to get there by the beginning of school. We will arrange to meet him and to help him in any way that is necessary when he first arrives so you need not worry about that. I think that there won't be any difficulty at all, and that we will have him over here in good time.

Thank you so much for your efforts in his behalf. I know that it must have been no easy job to raise the money for his scholarship.

Sincerely,
Charlotte Salmon
Placement Worker

P.S. Will you please send me a copy of your letter to Thomas Doeppner so that I will know it has gone and that it will be alright for us to write.

I just love this telegram. Opa keeps it short and simple. Does he accept the scholarship, the terms, the college? Accepted. Does he want to go to school, does he want to leave Europe? Accepted. Does he want to find a way away from Hitler? Accepted.

Charlotte understands Opa perfectly. She relays the message to Phil Myers at McPherson College. She explains to Phil that Opa knew exactly what he was accepting, and she expresses her delight for the joint opportunity of the school and refugee student.

Then Charlotte gets down to business. She requests official documents that will help Opa in his application for a student visa. She is very specific in her instructions, you can almost feel the rubber hitting the road. It is interesting that she advises Phil not to use the word “refugee” in their correspondence to the American consul in Amsterdam. It seems counterintuitive, but the situation is (as I’ve written about here), the less in trouble the student seems, the more likely they are to obtain a temporary student visa. I wonder if the AFSC had a long game here. They probably knew that many of these students would not ever return (or wish to return) to their country of origin.  Or maybe they thought things would blow over? I have a feeling someone had an idea of how to help these students once they were no longer in school and under the protection of their temporary visa status.

Charlotte even asks Phil to send a warm letter of welcome (and to send her proof he sent it!). Her confidence and business-like “get it done” spirit is palpable at the end of this letter. She must have felt so good to have some movement on a case that really had a chance of success.

The most pressing thing at this point is timeliness. The process of getting a student visa must happen quickly, and hopefully with success, in order for Opa to get to school on time.

August 3, 1939: Any Word Yet?

 

Transcription:

Thomas Doppner
Amstelveen, August 3rd, 1939.
Emmakade 8
Holland

Dear Miss Salmon,

Thank you again for your kind letter of June 22nd. I appreciate the personal interest you have taken in my case and all of the time and effort you have spent on my behalf.

Naturally I am greatly interested to learn if the winner you mentioned has secured the proper affidavit and other necessary documents. I will appreciate you informing me immediately a decision has been reached.

If the winner qualifies, does this mean, that there are no other scholarships available immediately for Oberlin College? If all scholarships have been awarded, how long will it be before additional ones are available, and will my application be considered at that time? Also are there any other scholarships available in other colleges or universities?

If so, I should like to have an application entered and considered, because I am anxious to arrive in America and to continue my studies without interruption.

Thanking you in advance for your assistance.

Sincerely yours,
Thomas Doppner.

Opa writes to Charlotte Salmon at the American Friends Service Committee (AFSC) - he still has no idea of his offer from McPherson College. In fact, he is writing to check in on Oberlin’s wait list. He wonders if he might have a chance at getting in, and if there are any other scholarships available at Oberlin.

Opa’s perspective of the process that Charlotte has been involved in is pretty narrow. In his mind, Oberlin has been really the only school- all the eggs were in that basket. He asks “are there any other scholarships available in other colleges or universities?” It’s as if he thinks Charlotte is only engaging one university at a time on his behalf- and it makes sense. We apply to schools and wait to hear back. The process of placing refugee students in schools is very different from the way we typically apply and receive acceptance or denial from universities. Opa basically tells Charlotte- apply anywhere! He doesn’t realize that she has been diligently referring him to every college or university that has shown interest in refugee students. Even from the handful of files we have looked into - we have found several letters where Opa’s named was offered as a possibility. There are likely documents in other files we haven’t seen that have his name on them. Opa has no idea how hard Charlotte and the AFSC has been working on his behalf. Come to think of it- he probably never knew. He probably never saw his case file. That kind of blows my mind.

What support have we had in our own lives that happen completely without our knowledge? How many times have my parents, teachers, siblings, friends, even strangers to me perhaps- been an integral part of my well-being without my knowledge? Like Opa’s last letter- how many times have we thought that we were on our own, when in fact there were people working hard for our sake?

A little side note: Charlotte received this letter on August 14, 1939. That is Grandmother’s 17th birthday. Little did this 17 year old know that the world’s events was bringing her future husband closer and closer to her.

Book Review: Siddhartha, by Hermann Hesse

Opa’s words:

Do you know "SIDDHARTHA" by Hermann Hesse? He was a young Indian, who looking for knowledge comes to the Ascetics, learns all the exercises for abstinence, the insensitivity to pain, etc. but later moves on, because he saw this as an escape from earthly suffering and joy, to which an Ascetic tries to make himself unfeeling. Naturally it is too human to try such an escape, but shouldn't one, if at all possible, try to bear it?

As promised, I have read the book Opa mentioned in the last letter to Gisela, Siddhartha, by Hermann Hesse. These mystical/life quest books seem to be en vogue around this precarious time between the world wars. This book was written in 1922, soon after the shell-shock of the Great War. The future is uncertain, the past is ghastly, and the present time isn’t promising. It is a ripe time for self-reflection, spiritual questioning, and abandoning all preconceived ideas of religion and morality. Hermann Hesse looks to the East for inspiration. In his book, Siddartha, he chronicles the journey of a man on a spiritual quest. The man, Siddartha, isn’t even sure what he is looking for: wholeness? Spiritual awakening? Wisdom? By the end, even the concentrated effort of searching seems wrong. All along this search, he has a friend, Govinda, who is sometimes alongside him, sometimes distant, but who seems to always show up just as Siddhartha is transitioning to the next step in his journey.

Siddhartha, starts as a young boy who leaves his father to join the ascetics, abandoning all physical comforts and even necessities in the hope to transcend the physical world and reach full spiritual maturity. He masters this task, and leaves in search of a greater challenge, a higher revelation. He wandered into a town and met a courtesan, Kamala, from whom he learned the art of love. He also learned the art of making money and became a full participant in village life, all in the quest to earn his lessons in love from Kamala. He became saturated by the lessons, the life in the village, to the point where he no longer thought and acted as an ascetic, but thought and acted as an ordinary man with riches. At this moment, he felt the weight of this materialistic world and its possessions. He moved on from this life, suicidal and sick from greed, gluttony and lust- seeking to learn something else. He travels to a river where he finds his will to live, a good night’s sleep, and another chance meeting with his friend Govinda.

Siddhartha begins to learn from the river, and the Ferryman who is sort of an ambassador for the river’s wisdom. When Siddhartha and the Ferryman, Vasudeva, get acquainted and make arrangements for Siddhartha to stay and learn, the Ferryman humbly tells Sidhartha: “I am not a learned man; I do not know how to talk or think. I only know how to listen and be devout; otherwise I have learned nothing.” (105) I think this quote is a good summary of how Siddartha ultimately completes his quest for spiritual enlightenment.

His journeys are not over, as he has an unexpected visitor from his past: Kamala, who brings with her Siddhartha’s son. Kamala suffers an untimely death due to a snake bite, and Siddhartha’s son is stranded and stays with his father, a stranger.  The son is pretty much a spoiled kid who is traumatized by his loss and his forced relationship with his father. He treats his father with as much disdain and teenage angst as he can muster. Eventually he runs away and Siddhartha lets him go, although he is completely heartbroken, he knows that the son needs to go back to his village with the comforts of his previous life.

Siddartha endures his heartache until he can’t take it anymore and confesses all that is on his heart to Vesudeva. Vesudeva listens well (he has the gift of listening) and takes Siddhartha to listen to the river. Siddhartha has a spiritual experience, and awakening, when he listens to the river. He sees his own pain and suffering, characters from his life- flowing in the river. Then he hears the voices of joy, suffering, and all the sounds of creation and emotion swirling together in a cacophony that combines into the sacred “Om” sound of one-ness.

After fostering this revelation, Vesudeva is able to go in peace, and he walks into the forest “into the unity of all things.” (This death sort of resembles the death of the prophet Elijah who doesn’t die but is swept away on a chariot to heaven.)

The last visitor and journey for Siddhartha is his dear friend, Govinda, who has once again crossed his path. Govinda asks Siddhartha for teaching, for some moral or principle to live by. Siddhartha has a difficult time expressing to his friend that what he has to offer: wisdom or enlightenment- is not for explaining or teaching. One must simply listen and learn it. Govinda at last has his revelation and sees in the river and in Siddhartha the revelation of the one, of Buddha, of wisdom.

Siddhartha speaks of the one-ness of all things in his sort of mystical existentialism (my label)- he sums up his wisdom in this passage:

I learned through my body and soul that it was necessary for me to sin, that I needed lust, that I had to strive for property and experience nausea and the depths of despair in order to learn not to resist them, in order to learn to love the world, and no longer compare it with some kind of desired imaginary world, some imaginary vision of perfection, but to leave it as it is, to love it and be glad to belong to it. (144)

To me, this statement sort of sums up what Siddhartha has learned in his journey. It is sort of a combination of buddhist teaching that one should strive to escape all suffering... with the idea that the way to escape it- is to not want to escape it- but to experience it all and love it all as it is all part of the Holy Om, or One. It seems dialectical in nature, but I’ve found many parts of wisdom to be this way. This same idea is reflected in one of my favorite “mystical” teachers: Julian of Norwich, when she echoes the refrain “all shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.” You could find this idea hidden (perhaps more flippantly) in the French expression “c’est la vie.” 

This idea of oneness- of everything and nothing mattering- is why I’m calling it existential mysticism. It is sort of a big picture idea of existentialism, but combined with a contentedness that comes from a spiritual understanding. So it is not an existential depression that follows (when you think- if it’s all the same, who cares?!) but rather- there is peace and value that ultimately, everything returns to God. All shall be well. Life will be, and the value is: love. Love life, love the world, love the spirit- do not separate them- and become one with it all.

I think this sort of practical application of a mystical journey must have appealed to Opa- who understood and appreciated the value in thinking and exploring mystically, but ultimately felt that it was an error to forever search an escape by ignoring reality. You cannot escape the world, as Opa has learned through his life experiences. But you can find value in the experience that is beyond face value.

Siddhartha is a mystical book that combats the extremes of mysticism. I don’t think that the ideas in it are all perfectly logical or theologically sound- but I can learn wisdom and truth from it. And isn’t that the point? Even if life is not perfectly logical or theologically sound, we can still glean wisdom, understanding, and above all- love.

August 2, 1939: Planning Unaware

 

Translation:

August 2nd,1939
Dear Gis,

I would have loved to answer to your last letter, but I was afraid, that you might have left already, before it got there, and that seemed too dangerous to me. But you will meet people in Pyrmont, who can help better than I.

Your preference for Mysticism honestly surprises me. Perhaps you are correct, one needs hours (time) which will lead us into another beautiful world, but is that not the same as getting drunk? One gets drunk on alcohol, the other on worlds of dreams, the other of hope of mystical fulfillment. All of it amounts to the same: "escape from reality!" Do you know "SIDDHARTHA" by Hermann Hesse? He was a young Indian, who looking for knowledge comes to the Ascetics, learns all the exercises for abstinence, the insensitivity to pain, etc. but later moves on, because he saw this as an escape from earthly suffering and joy, to which an Ascetic tries to make himself unfeeling.  Naturally it is too human to try such an escape, but shouldn't one, if at all possible, try to bear it? 

Especially the mystic comes to us early, we need not to go forward to it. (Sadly enough I did, and now regret it a bit!) The two worlds you are talking about have nothing to do with each other, they are beautifully connected with each other, need each other, to jointly form a person. However the most important is the individuality, the own self and beliefs, because only in one’s self can one find the way, can discover the source, or even become it, which can radiate from there. And again, can radiate from within, not by way of examples, or some information, but in an invisible and not noticeable way, I don't know, somehow. (Perhaps a mystic way?)

Why are things different at your house with Anni there? I cannot imagine her that way, even less, that she feels hopeless and cannot see a reason for living. Does that have something to do with her illness?

I now have my French Visa, the passport should arrive during the next week, maybe it will come soon. I don't know if I can leave right away, it depends on the situation here now. There is not too much of a hurry since the semester starts in November, but naturally it would be good to be there before, to learn French.  The America thing (plan) I will of course continue, because I will never be allowed to work in France.

How are things in Pyrmont? Are you part of the annual gathering? You can hardly imagine how I would love to be there, but that is absolutely impossible. I rejoice like a child whenever somebody from the group passes through here, even if it is only Hilde Weiher, last month. In my mind [heart] I am marching in your rows with you.

Heartfelt greeting to you and the group
 
Tom
Is Mr. W. also in Pyrmont?

This letter to Gisela is pretty quick after the last one. It seems Gisela has written something to Opa that he is hesitant to respond to if she’s not around to get the letter right away. I’m not sure if that’s about something as big as information getting into Nazi hands, or more on a small scale like information getting in Anni or other relative’s hands. Either way, whatever it is, it seems Gisela should be able to get some advice/help from the folks at Pyrmont. Pyrmont is the site of one of the Quaker retreat centers. The Quaker group visited often, and it is still there. In fact, today, Gisela’s parents and husband are buried at Pyrmont. It is a special place for the Berlin Quaker group.

So Opa and Gisela are still on the mysticism train. I love Opa’s drunk analogy. I also love that he pins down the biggest downfall of many of these movements: "escape from reality!" This he believes is ultimately foolish. Opa mentions yet another mystical book “Siddhartha” by Herman Hesse, which I am also reading (I’ll get those book reports to you soon!). Opa offers his own philosophy - that mysticism has its place as well as a firm grip on reality. He focuses in on the individual - and the self-discovery of someone who finds the way within themselves. I can’t help but notice that Opa’s reliance and focus on individuality comes in a time when he has had to be extremely reliant on himself through some pretty scary and trying times. He left Germany by himself, only to come close to getting caught. He was smuggled illegally out - having very little communication with people until he finally arrived in Amsterdam. (Read here for my account of Opa’s journey out of Germany.) And yet, the irony is that even though he has had to rely on himself and his own strength for much, he has also been relying on his friends, family, and the kindness of strangers.

I wonder if Opa could see all that we dug up in documents (some of these files he never saw)- if he would have a different perspective. His entire life at the time of this letter is surrounded by a loose community of people working very hard to help him. When he feels the most isolated, lonely, and independent- he is the most reliant on other people for help - and they are very present- if not close by.

I had never heard of Anni having issues with depression or hopelessness during this time, although I don’t doubt it. The Halle family were subject to continual visits from officials to ask questions and intimidate them. The Halle’s were right on the border of being acceptable to the Nazis. They worked tirelessly to counteract the work of the Nazis, but they did so cleverly, in a way that wasn’t technically illegal (to my knowledge, although I’m sure they broke the rules plenty- just not obviously). They had the Quaker name to protect them- the Nazis remembered the Quakers feeding everyone after the first world war (see here where I mention that). They had the famous aviator uncle Otto Lilienthal to name-drop should they need to. So basically the Halle’s were on the Nazis’ list of people to pester and check in on. That much surveillance can make a teenager/young adult go insane. Especially when you have things to be worried that the wrong people will find. (See our spotlight on the Halle family here, we will likely add more as we learn more).

I never knew Opa officially had his French Visa, and he was due to receive his passport in a week! He was planning to leave for France soon! We know as readers that he has been accepted to McPherson College on a scholarship, but he doesn’t know yet. Charlotte is only now receiving the news. He sounds like he is planning on studying in France like his sister Patti. I can’t believe how simultaneous these two very different tracks are unfolding! What if Opa had ended up in France?! What an incredibly different story that would have been!

Opa wishes that he could be back with his Quaker youth group, enjoying life with his friends on a retreat in Pyrmont. Hitler has taken absolutely everything dear away from him. Opa’s entire life has been shifted by Hitler’s existence.

I laughed a little when Opa talked about being so glad when someone came through Amsterdam, even if it is only Hilde. HA! Poor Hilde- chopped liver! He mentions Mr. W- that is Mr. Wohlrabe- the adult leader of their Quaker youth group.

Soon Opa, who is still a bit forlorn, will learn that the “American thing” is a very real possibility. Then everything will change. Again.